words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Ross: Who gets whom. (They all look at him.) I dont know why I do that.
Phoebe: This is so cool, til Monica gets back, its like Im head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
(Monica looks at Rachel, who gives her the thumbs up.)
Joey: Yeah, yknow at first I thought we could talk about this yknow, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I dont think I
Chandler: All right look, if youre not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!
Monica: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? (He looks at her) Come on, one of us had to mention him.
Tim: I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriends.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Joey: Yknow I dont think you should be talking at all in there! I think youve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
(Rachel glares at him.)
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
RACHEL: Oh, yeah sure, Ok. [she takes Ben and holds him at arms length]
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
Chandler: (stares at her intently, then yells) It was a "Wendy's!! "
[at Rachel and Monica's]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
Ross: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. (baby talk) Yes we were! Yes we were! (picks Emma up) Come here gorgeous. (puts her on his knees and talks to her) Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... (in a softer voice) You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. (emphasises the B's) Big baby butt! I like big butts. (raps) I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get...(Emma laughs) Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm...(raps) My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... (Emma laughs again and Ross looks worried) I'm a terrible father!
Monica: (to Joey) I'll pick you up at eleven. So glad you're coming.
[at Rachel and Monica's
MRS GREEN: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've never seen you this happy. I look at you and I think, oh, this is what I want.
MRS GREEN: Look at this.
[knock at the door]
[at the wedding]
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
MONICA: Would you look at them?
[at Monica and Rachel's]
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
[Some guy at another table starts choking]
RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!
ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninas shapely departure) Shes still here.
[knock at the door]
ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
CHANDLER: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
Monica: Oh my god. Today's the sixth?! I may be done ovulating! I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.
Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
Monica: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And Im appalled for you by the way.
Joey: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
RACHEL: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God.
Ross: Yknow actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what hes talking about.)
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
Julie: Well, little Jamie here is our third. So, if you have questions or you need anything at all, just holler.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the counter.]
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
(Sick Bastard sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.)
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
Joey: Well Ross was hangin out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler....
MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
JOEY: She laughed at you?
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
[knock at the door]
RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.]
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And Im sure were all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at Eddie's bedroom door]
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]