words in movies
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once hes lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that hes thinking correctly...)
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. Ill get the information.
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
Jamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home.
Fran: Think she got fired at Riffs?
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninas shapely departure) Shes still here.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Rosss legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.
(Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face down.)
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) Sorry.
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right.
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at her) ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.
Ross: 200 at least.
Rachel: At his apartment. Is this juice?
Chandler: At least as long as I have the pants.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Phoebe: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my God, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?
Carol: It did at first, but not anymore.
Phoebe: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
(They walk off into the sunset, at least a picture of one.)
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Julie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
Ross: (looking at them) Wh-what's going on?
Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
Ross: Exactly, itll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks Ill just embarrass him. Yknow, he thinks Im some kind of a soap opera nutWhich Im not! Im not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dogs name is Wally. Well look at that, Im just stroking your arm.
[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
(At Monica and Rachel's)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk)
PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices.
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
(at Monica and Rachel's)
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
(at Monica and Rachel's)
(at Central Perk)
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]
(At Somplace Nice)
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.
RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
[Ross is at his apartment.]
Erica: I don't want to look at your file! This is over.
[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
[There's a bang at the door.]
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)