words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Chandler: Yeah, we could do that without yknow risking our lives at all!
Chandler: I couldn't find anything at Joey--Hey-hey, oh hey!
Joey: Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, look buddy, I came with that girl, and I had this plan to kiss her at the new years countdown Im trying to win her over, so I was wondering if..
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
Joey: Uh, take a look at the guys pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but dont you think he went a little overboard?
Phoebe: No, dont look directly at them!
Phoebe: Alright, no, we could look at them!
(Rachel leans over to look at him.)
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Yknow, you think youre making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Chandler: Look at us, were a couple of couples!
Rachel: Okay fine! Ill-Ill just tell her its an antique apothecary table, she doesnt have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs.
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Rachel: Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was yknow, it was like a dollar.
Phoebe: 500 bucks at a flea market?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.]
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Ross: I got it at Pottery Barn!! Okay?!
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Ross: (glaring at Rachel) Fascinating.
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
Phoebe: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross.
Phoebe: Uck, look at this! Pottery Barn, yuck!
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table is real.
Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Lets go! Right now!
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Joey: Lets go watch it at your place.
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Rachel are on the couch looking at the Playboy magazine. When they hear someone coming, Monica goes to hide it under the sofa cushions.]
Rachel: We are looking at a Playboy.
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: (angrily) It wasnt funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didnt you pick me?
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Cop: Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me.
(He looks at Rachel and winks, she gives him the thumbs-up sign.)
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldnt you be at work?
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!
(They both look at her.)
Jill: (hits him) Shut up! I did not sound like that at all!
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
Ross: Rachel! Well, you-youre not at home, youre-youre-youre right here.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Rachel: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
(They both stare at the newborn.)
Rachel: (giggles and cant look at him) Hi!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Joey: Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, theres pulp in that. (Hands it back.)
Monica: (again, lying) Im gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Ross: Didnt you spend last night at Joeys?
Rachel: (still not quite able to look at him) Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Joey: Oh thats too bad. Ive kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure theres no studies I can participate in?