words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
ESTELLE: Look honey, people get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
CHANDLER: You, move out. Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and GET OUT!
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh.
MONICA: And his puppet too.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two pieces of cake.]
[Scene: Hallway outside Chandler and Joey's apartment. Eddie walks up.]
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
EDDIE: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my stuff doin' downstairs?
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
EDDIE: No he, he moved out and I moved in.
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and jump around]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Monica: Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victorias Secret catalogues, not a gym!
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Joey: All right, so well get a little coffee, and get energized, and well head back out.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
Chandler: Ooh! Israeli champagne. And it's vanilla!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Ross: And sexy.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
Ross: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: (looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!
Rachel: And... taped back together.
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
Rachel: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.
Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Phoebe: (playing guitar and singing) And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Olè!
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
RACHEL: Well, um, first he told me he liked how I looked.� And, ah, then we had a little . . . um . . . eye-contact.
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum]
Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
Phoebe: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forget about raquetball and hang out here?
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Janice: Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...
Charlie: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Monica: With good news? (very quickly and wringing hands) Of course it is not good news, you just said (deadpan) "Doctor Connelly just called". If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Rachel: (speaking to herself and reading Cosmopolitan) Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live sex show!
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, I'm-I'm taking Charlie shopping, why don't you come and I'll help you find something.
Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!
Phoebe: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Rachel: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters]
Doctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you can always adopt.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
Ross: (on the phone) Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... (covering the phone, to Rachel) Phoebe's totally ruined that for me... (he passes the receiver to Rachel)
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
(Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.)
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Monica: (gets up and gasps) Oh my God! Rachel!! (Rachel is stunned to see that her long lost friend is still fat.) (Monica goes over and gives Rachel a big bear hug, which is quite easy for her.) You look terrific!
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Phoebe: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him?
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Monica: (turns around and she's quite shocked) Excuse me?