words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's a scene from 1016 TOW Rachel's Going Away Party.]
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
[Cut to Ross's apartment. Ross and Rachel are there. It's another scene from 1016 TOW Rachel's Going Away Party.]
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Monica: No, last time you said it like Dracula, and it scared her! Can I get you anything? You want some more ice chips?
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters. Joey is holding a baby duck.]
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Phoebe: It's a baby chick and duck!
Joey: Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Phoebe: Yeah, and I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.
Ross: Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!
Joey: Oh my God. You and Rachel?
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Joey: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
(Joey and Phoebe leave.)
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
Rachel: Uh-huh. I know. It was just, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye. (She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.)
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
(The baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)
Chandler: (emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
(Monica and Chandler run back to Erica's bed.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)
Rachel: No, we decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.
Rachel: (touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
(She kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Ross: No, and I'm not going to.
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)
(Phoebe and Ross leave.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Man: 18th and East End.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
[Scene: Phoebe's cab. Phoebe is driving very fast, and a terrified Ross has closed his eyes.]
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
(Monica and Chandler enter.)
Joey: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!
Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Joey: Just put it on a plate and leave.
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
[Scene: The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport.]
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running.]
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
Ticket agent: And the destination?
(She runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table.]
Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)
Joey: Okay. Table, you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. You wanna say anything?
(Monica grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to bust it open.)
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Rachel: I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.
(The passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead compartment.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.
Joey: Thanks man. Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
[Scene: The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again.]
Passenger #2: And you fixed the Philange?
(Rachel walks up to the gate. Cut to Ross and Phoebe who come running up to the gate.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages.]
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
(He walks over and kisses her.)
Ross: I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Monica: Wait a minute. What about that summer during college that you lived with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Chandler: And I also got... two more apples.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the sofa]
Monica: Let me think. Oh, when I was younger I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese, and on our wedding night I ate his head.
Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Rachel and Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: I beg to differ (shows him her cup of coffee and her plate of cookies).
Phoebe: Oh, ok. Fine, I'll just, I'll take the hat back (she puts the hat in a bag and she crushes it angrily on the floor with her foot).
Racel: Yes and you talked to her...
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Chandler: Oh we did, and you still have all your lamps.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, Ive-Ive been dating both of you, and its been really horrible. Cause y'know its been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didnt know how to chose, so... Im sorry, Im just, Im terrible, Im a terrible person. Im terrible.
Monica: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone? (a few raise their hands)
Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Rachel walks in]
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Monica: ooohh... hey! Wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?
Joey: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing (holds up plastic thing) that goes on top of the blender...and I thought...well... how important can that be, right...? Turns out very!
Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.
(Joey and Rachel continue to look at each other in silence for a while)
Rachel: (shakes her head) Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]
Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird...it's empty!
Joey: (excited) Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! (leaves Rachel very touched on the couch and goes into his room)
Rachel: Woow!I haven't seen you this worked up since you did that dog food commercial and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog!
Joey and Phoebe: (Ad-lib good-byes) (Phoebe leaves)
Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
Chandler: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe.
(Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Bitsy: By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter Jen.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Monica: Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victorias Secret catalogues, not a gym!
(cut to Ross and Charlie)
Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Joey: All right, so well get a little coffee, and get energized, and well head back out.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
Chandler: Ooh! Israeli champagne. And it's vanilla!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Ross: And sexy.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler?
(Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Monica: And I can't stop you.
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
Ross: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment]
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
(somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie)
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey: (looking puzzled and nodding) Ok!
Rachel: And... taped back together.
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
Rachel: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.