words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair.]
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it.]
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Phoebe: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments.]
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Rachel: Yee. I mean, it was so weirdest thing. They fired me and then out of nowhere they just hire me back! I mean, that place must have been falling apart without me.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Chandler: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Phoebe: I-I cant find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! Im telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cakeooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and yknow fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww!
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off...
Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Monica and Phoebe: Sure.
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having drinks with her date, Carl.]
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)
Michelle: All I ever wanted was just love him and have him love me back. I mean, am I so unlovable?
Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you...
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
(They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.)
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Ross and Julie: Can't wait.
[Scene: Estelle's memorial service. Joey is giving a speech. Next to him is a blown op photograph of Estelle behind her desk and there's a man standing next to him.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Julie: And the spitting?
Ross: And bus.
Rachel: And the chicken pooped in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
Julie: ...and this guy...
Julie: And then we've gotta get some sleep.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like(Listens)Thank you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
(Ross and Julie exit)
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? (Sits down next to Rachel) Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (Doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up either.
Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side affects paper.)
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.]
Rachel: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye. (Paulo goes into his room.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
(Ross and Julie enter.)
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Monica: (to Phoebe) You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
Phoebe: All right. (Talking to Monica's hair.) Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
Joey: Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Phoebe: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?
Chandler: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is now out and about.]
[Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.