words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is on the phone, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Rachel and Monica: Hi!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Phoebe: Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is sitting behind a red drum set.]
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica enter.]
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up?
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ross: No, hey-hey, come on, (He grabs Ben and sits him on his lap) Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Monica: (sees two people exit) Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table!
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe comes up the stairs and hears drumming coming from Joey and Rachel's, so she enters smiling and then sees that Rachel, not Joey, is the one playing.]
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
Rachel and Joey: Tequila!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is serving Chandler and Monica coffee.]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Joey: Thank you. (He gets up and puts on his jacket.) (Phoebe enters) Hey Pheebs!
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting behind the drums wearing safety goggles, hitting them with his sticks as Rachel watches.]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Rachel: And that makes you angry because
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal.
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good. (She runs to the drums and gets the sticks)
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I uh, you gotta have something.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
[Monica picks up the bag, while Ross closes the door and hits Monica with his tail. They walk into the living room, and Monica empties the bag.]
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah!
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-youre wrecking it.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Rachel: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: Oh please, I hate packing, its closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, Im really gonna miss living with you.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that shouldve just lasted just one day, burned for
Ross: Thats right, and thats why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is closing the door on the tarantula cage.]
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
Rachel: I mean y'know, I'm thinking. You could bring her, and you guys could go up to your old room, and not make out.
Chandler: Its not a big deal. Its, just its right here, (points to his eye) and its all the time.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]
Phoebe: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out hes incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And youre welcome to come back anytime.
Ross: You see Amanda and I have a very special...
(Phoebe grabs Gunther and kisses him. He then falls to the couch in shock.)
CHANDLER: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy do?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
Kathy: Okay, I've got some ugly friends, and they're all available too.
Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.
(Monica nods `Yes.' And they both walk to the couch looking all depressed.)
Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
(Rachel watches that and slowly backs out to head for home.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
The Salesman: (Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, Im sorry, you havent said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?
Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civil War.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
[Scene: A kitchen where Phoebe and Monica are finishing up a catering job]
Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Chip: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!! (laughs histerically)
Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, only slightly later.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.]
Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) Come on along and listen to...
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
[Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment, Ross and Cheryl are kissing]
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey and Chandler are there eating breakfast.]
Monica and Ross: Scuse us
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
(She throws the paper at him, misses and hits Monicas door, they all jump back at the sound.)
Chandler: (entering in a bathrobe) I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
(Monica plays those words back in her mind and then smiles and runs to Chandler, who is twisting with joy. They hug.)
Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.]
Monica: Im getting married!!!! Im gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because Im engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why dont you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Phoebe: And this time, theyve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
Chandler: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. (Kathy is running her fingers through his hair, and Chandler catches himself enjoying it too much.) Yknow who also has great hair is Joey!
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Chandler: (closing the box) Yknow what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?
(Kathy leaves and Chandler groans in agony. Kathy knocks on the door and Chandler opens it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, continued from earlier. Chandler and Kathy are still kissing, then they stop suddenly.]
Chandler: I have to; hes my best friend, and youre seeing him.
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Kathy: (outside the door) No. (Chandler opens the door and they kiss again.)
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
Chandler: Bye. (Kathy leaves and Chandler wonders over to and leans up against the door.) Are you still out there?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
(Rachel and Monica look at each other, and agree on something without saying anything.)
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I cantI mean yknow I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I justI feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
Phoebe: Yeah! No, thats right. And I thought it was a really good idea.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Chandler: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking its alive and attacking him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
(Both Monica and Rachel laugh.)
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)