words in movies
Monica: Congratulations! Wow! I cant believe youre nominated for an Emmy!
Phoebe: Im just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and cant perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Rachel: Do you really want an award you didnt win?
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
Rachel: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You dont want to win an award this way. Youre very talented. And someday youre gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.
Phoebe: Oh. (Picks it up.) Its just so unexpected! I I uh Boy Ill tell you its just such an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and yknow to win one for a massage. Especially after having just won a Tony award for best actress in
Phoebe: in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. (To an imaginary Neil Simon) Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words. (Blows him a kiss.)
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.
Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.
Ross: It's an empty apartment.
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Chandler: No, you didnt get me!! Its an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!
(Ross makes an "I was right, and you werent face." And Rachel does Rosss little Im-flicking-you-off-but-Im-not-giving-you-the-finger banging of the fists.)
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
Rachel: You know what honey, you go ahead, well call her an alternate.
(An awkward silence)
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I dont think this is.
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. Its a one day job, max.
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
Chandler: See, thats why I could never be an actor. Because I cant say gig.
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. Im so proud.
Student: Guess what, I got an audition!
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Monica: It just makes more sense as an ensemble.
Mr. Kaplan: Ill bet your thinking, Whats an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee? Eh?
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Ross: Oh no! An asteroid! (throws the soccer ball off the back of Joeys head.)
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.
Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Joey: (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
[Scene: Rosss, the gang, minus Rachel of course, is there. Chandler is forced to smoke by an open window.]
Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK(He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!
Monica: (to Julio) So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?
Chandler: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Ross: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.
Ross: (sits down next to her) I'm sorry, I was an idiot.
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Ross: Huh. Thats a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent.
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey. I need an atlas! I need an atlas!
(Chandler agrees in an absolutely bored way.)
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Joey: Oh, nothing, no. Its an acting exercise, Im practising my fake laugh.
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Monica: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.
Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that theres an age difference between us.
Phoebe: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But youve got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
Chandler: All right! Fine! But its just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I dont want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Phoebe: (turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!
Rachel: Look, Im fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
(An awkward silence follows.)
Ross: Rach, you cant look fat in an x-ray.
Kate: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Kate: Flights in an hour. I-I gotta go.
Chandler: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
(The duck starts to frantically flap his wings, while Joey is holding him, in an attempt to get away.)
Hoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?
Chandler: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, its kindve an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
Chandler: Youre not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an Oh my God. look back.)
Monica: (watching a happy couple walk by, arm in arm) Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.
Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Monica: I dont have an atlas.
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the door carrying an outdoor patio table.]
Monica: (interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an awkward silence follows.)
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
(Chandler gets an idea)
Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Monica: Ohh, Im such an idiot. I cant believe I actually thought she could change.