words in movies
All: (simultaneously) Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!
Ross: Hey, do you guys think that if all those things happened, wed still hang out?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Chandler: All right!
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Joey: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Chandler: Its not all juice! (Rachel quickly gets out of the way.)
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Monica: Yeah I can! (Laughs) And dont think I dont, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha! (Laughs.)
Monica: Say it louder, I dont think the guy all the way in the back heard you!
Guy All the Way in the Back: Yeah, I heard it.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Monica: All right relax Mr. Ive Had Sex Four Times!
Joey: All right!
Joey: All right! So, was it amazing?
Monica: Great! Its so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you Im all like, "Can the doctor see me now?"
Barry: You-you-you said you were gonna be away all weekend!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Jack: Are you all right?
Ross: Look I-I dont know whats going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Monica: (Excited) Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.
Monica: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?
Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!
Bitter lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh?
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
All: Hi!
ROSS: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sex?
Joey: Which one, they all suck!
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Rachel: Joey, I gotta tell ya, I've been thinking all day about that scene you did, I mean, you were amazing!
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Joey: (sees Ross) Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Joey: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Charlie: You've seen all the movies...
Rachel: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.
(Zack comes out of the bathroom. They all sit down at the table.)
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question?
Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm all packed and ready to go!
Ross: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Ross: (very excited) Look at all these paleontologists!!
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Joey: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
Charlie: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
Rachel: You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.
Ross: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
Charlie: Right and then everybody finds out and they're like: "Oh, I knew all along"
Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.
PHOEBE: I'm so sorry honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.� So, you have to intercept all his calls.
Chandler: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
(all the paleontologists laugh)
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister Ill let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Rachel: All right! Well, uh... (to Monica) we're gonna hit the beach?
Ross: (puzzled) Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! (to Phoebe) Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!
(Ross giggles, but Charlie isn't amused at all.)
Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
Charlie: I'm sorry, I can't! I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.
Phoebe: All right, all right... I'll play if we don't keep score!
Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey: (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
(They start playing and Chandler does not suck at all)
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Charlie: All right, all right.
(they all put their ear against the wall to be able to hear what's being said. We move to Ross's room where he and Charlie are kissing.)
(Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's)
Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
Ross: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? (looks up)
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
Joey: Youre ready to have a baby? My boys all grown up!
Chandler: You can't move at all?
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Ross: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do?
Ross: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!!
Phoebe: Hey, what's all this stuff?
Monica: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big!
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is totally wasted, but he's still drinking all the margaritas.]
Ross: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good.
Ross: Thanks. Did you stay here all night?
Ross: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.
Phoebe: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't?
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
Joey: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping!
Rachel: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. (Joey like stands at attention with his chest forward and his hands on his sides, looking up at the ceiling with his lips pouted.) That's not nonchalant!
Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
Monica: I'm still all those things!
Ross: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back.
Monica: All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.
Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Monica: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.
Joey: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!