words in movies
PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.
MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef?
MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.
ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".
PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.]
RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
[He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.]
RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.
RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested?
RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]
CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
ROSS: Can't we just use a pen?
ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress.
JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
[Rachel takes a bite.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Ross enters with a melancholy look.]
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?
[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.]
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.
RACH: Just a waitress?
RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.
MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
PHOE: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
PHOE: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate?
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.
RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: Well... (realizes, screaming like a little girl, trying to get rid of the spider) Whaa... aaah... aaahhh...
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Joey: You can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Monica: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
Joey: We have a winner!
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
Sandy: Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.) Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: He's a he?
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Monica: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't...(Everyone looks at her), but this is about your horrible mistake.
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
Monica: We checked. A lot.
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
Monica: It was a really beautiful service.
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Rachel: Thats all right. (He goes to get her a soda.) And so it begins.
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Joey: That's a... pla-an.
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]
Phoebe: You missed a belt loop.
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
Ross: Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher?
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.