words in movies
Chandler: (picking up the telephone, answering it with a frog in his throat) Hello? (he clears his throat, but he still has the same frog in his throat when he speaks again) Hello?
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
Phoebe: I know! (Phoebe picks up a little packet of sugar, shakes it, and then realises she can't open it with one hand, but doesn't want to let go of Mike's hand. She tries to tear open the packet with one hand.)
Joey: (in a very aaaaahhhhh sweeeeeet voice) Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? (Phoebe and Mike, embarrassed, start babbling and look away.) Have you not talked about it yet? (They say nothing now, but smile) Am I making you uncomfortable? (smiles are becoming forced now, and he speaks to Mike) If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh (he turns away to the bar)
Phoebe: (in a flash she answers) Maybe not, is it?
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Phoebe: Oh, it's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Rachel: So I don't go back to work for another four weeks, but we would like our nanny to start right away, so that Emma could get a chance to know her.
Prospective nanny: (in a sweet, caring voice) I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better. (Ross and Rachel seem pleased with the answer.)
Rachel: Okidoki! (and she slams the door in the nanny's face while Ross crumples up the application form) Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.
Ross: She was blonde? (he looks surprised for a while, but then gets a "gotcha" expression on his face... There's knocking at the door.) Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.
Sandy: (a guy) Hi... I'm Sandy.
Ross: And she's a little mannish...
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. There's a knock on the door, and Phoebe opens it.]
David: Hi! I-i-is this a bad time?
Phoebe: (excited) No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?
David: Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.
David: Well, it got me to New York anyway, and then I got on a cab at the airport, and the guy said where to? and I just... gave him your address I... I... I didn't even think about it.
Phoebe: Wow. Where is your luggage? (David thinks for a while)
David: Wa... wa... wait! We can... call them later. Can you just... just stand there f-f-for a moment? Boy! There's an old Russian expression, uhm... it goes: Schto ya ztez vigul... ui! Roughly translated that means uhm... This thing that I'm looking at: wow!
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Monica: Maybe he didn't give you a chance.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken. (Phoebe bursts out in a laugh)
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
Sandy: It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. But I am straight. I-I'm engaged actually.
Ross: (skeptic) So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?
Sandy: I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.
Ross: (on a yeah, right tone) Okay.
Ross: Oh, come on, Rach, he's a guy!
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Sandy: I er... I hope you don't mind. I used some of my home-made lotion on Emma. It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up. Plus... It keeps the hands young... (it makes Rachel smile)
Rachel: (whispering and begging) Please? (Ross makes a "whatever" gesture) YES! Sandy you're hired.
Sandy: That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is reading a 'Busty Ladies' magazine when Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Joey: (sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe just let David in who brought a bottle of wine.]
David: Well... just so you know... hearing it wasn't exactly a Vladnik carnival either... Can we at least hug goodbye?
Phoebe: Of course, yeah.(they hug and Phoebe sighs... a little after that also David sighs and makes his way to the door) You know, a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate...
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Ross: (picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
Ross: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?
Ross: Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Joey: That's like a woman wanting to be a...
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Ross: Science...? Academia...? Being a good father...?
Joey: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like... (the door opens and Chandler walks in with a pizza)
Ross: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny. (Joey makes a gesture and sound like "Can you believe that?")
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Chandler: You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse. (again they laugh, even more fake than before)
Monica: Ohhh, ooohhh... you are on a roll, mister!
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza. (they all burst out in a thundering laugh)
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Chandler: I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.
Phoebe: No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.
David: Right... Goodbye Phoebe. (Makes a move to kiss her.)
David: I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number (gives Mike a business card) We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style. (He leaves again)
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Ross: Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?
Joey: I wanna be mr. Wigglemunch. (and makes a "there" nod to Ross)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's kitchen. Ross got a beer from the refrigerator and opens the bottle. Rachel now also enters the kitchen.]
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
Chandler: I love you too. (Monica and Chandler kiss. He turns to Joey.) And... I like you as a friend. (They hug and pat each other on the back.)
Monica: Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.
Sandy: Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Ross: I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Sandy: But you are a real boy!
Ross: I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Sandy/Grumpus: A friend-ship...
Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
Monica: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-theres a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again.
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Chandler: No-no-no, yknow what? I really shouldnt have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasnt cool. And if it makes you feel any better, Ive had a really lousy day.
Ross: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.
Ross: I dont know. A month?
Rachel: Why would you even want to come Ross? Youre a horrible skier.
Rachel: Oh come on Ross, weve done it before well do it again, itll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy.
Phoebe: Ohh, theyre having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasnt been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Ross: Well, so, you-youll get a job here! I mean, Im always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebes door.)
Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because Im going to London.
Monica: Ohh. And I dont even have a date.
[Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone is ringing.]
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if its not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesnt stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. Im carrying a litter.
Chandler: Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Chandler: Joey, its been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And Im going to go get drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I dont want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Joey: Uh, y'know what, were having second thoughts about our copying needs. And well need a little more time to think about it.
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
Monica: My mothers driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. Im happy. (A drunken man approaches.) Im not going to let anything spoil that.
Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.
Monica: Ohh, Please?! Im a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, well just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Monica: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, dont bite your nails.
Ross: It gives it a nice antiquey look.
Passenger: If youre planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if youre interested, just as a thank you for this week.
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)
(The guys hotel room. Joeys there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! Im sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Phoebe: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Rachel: Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.)
Phoebe: Five minutes ago, a line like that wouldve floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Kathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Janine: I just got a call to be a dancer on a television special for New Years Eve. Its called some sort of Dickn Rockn Dickie Eve.
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) Youve spoiled everything! Its like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!
Ross: Thats true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
Chandler: Well, I dont see that we have a choice. But, when were back home, we dont do it.
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country
Chandler: The mans got a point.
Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
Chandler: Well, Ive got a girl in here.
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
[Scene: Ross and Emilys room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]
Chandler: Yeah, its a very large plane.
Chandler: We cant do that thats insane. I mean A he could wake up and B yknow, lets go for it.
Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
Chandler: No, I almost did, couldnt leave Ross there without a spotter!
Monica: Im gonna go to the bathroom, maybe Ill see you there in a bit?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.
Richard: No I dont have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause) And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, dont let her go. Trust me.
[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]
Joey: Hey, Monica, wow youve been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
Chandler: Oh. Yknow, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasnt because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me cause, youre really hot! Is that okay?
Rachel: No, youre not an idiot, Ross. Youre a guy very much in love.
Ross: I just, I dont understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Yknow, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that shed actually show up?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Rachel: Okay, Ill see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)