words in movies
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
Rachel: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
Ross: Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
Monica: Ross hasnt worked at the museum for a year!
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
Rachel: Thats a good story, Grandpa.
Monica: Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. Its about being with the people that you love.
[We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!]
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
Ross: Youre gonna be a party person! Those guys rock the most!
(Gunther brings Janine a coffee)
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Ross: It was a dry day.
Joey: Did she just ask me out on a date?
Rachel: Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, Im sorry, but I dont think that was a romantic thing.
Rachel: Well, thats a lot better than Ross trying to kiss me in High School, and saying that he did it because he needed chapstick.
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Joey: OK, listen Ive been on sets before, so let me give you a little advice, alright? Its a show, but were just dancing, OK? Its no big deal. The important thing to remember stay cool.
Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why dont you take a walk? This doesnt concern you.
Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
Phoebe: Oh, thats it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea!
Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
(They move towards a platform, dancing really strangely as they go)
Janine: Hey! Youre a good dancer!
Chandler: Those are book ends! That's a great gift!
Joey: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) Ill talk to them!
Ross: Hey, I know whatll get us up on a platform!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
(They move into a space, and Ross points to his eyes and then to hers)
Joey: Uh, take a look at the guys pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but dont you think he went a little overboard?
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Phoebe: Yknow, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Monica: Yes! (They run over to a platform)
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Joey: Uh, yeah, okay. Except I sorta felt like I needed a couple of seconds to get ready.
Ross: I dont know, I mean you were a lot bigger, I mean, stronger back then.
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Monica: Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. (To Ross) Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me!
Ross: Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound)
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Monica: Its gotta be one of a kind. Yknow like umm, yknow uh, whats that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?
Monica: Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff. She thinks her furniture should have a history, a story behind it.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)
Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!
Janine: I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant.
Chandler: Look at us, were a couple of couples!
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, yknow? (He mimics a robot)
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Rachel: So, you had a good day huh? Big commission; picked up a daddy.
Joey: (outraged) A MONTH??
Janine: I cant handle two nights in a row with them.
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Janine: No! Of course we can still hang out with them. Just yknow, not two nights in a row. Okay?
Joey: Uh, theyre like my best friends. Are you saying we cant hang out with them? Cause that would kinda be a problem.
Phoebe: Umm, a flea market?
Rachel: Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was yknow, it was like a dollar.
Phoebe: 500 bucks at a flea market?!
Phoebe: Yes, yes I do. God, oh its just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like yknow where it was from or
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Rachel: Ross, shes not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.
Ross: Yeah but Pottery Barn! Yknow what I think? Its just she-shes weird. Yknow its because shes a twin. Twins are weird.
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Chandler: Then why-why is she going to a play?!
Rachel: Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Chandler: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?!
Joey: Yeah, shes been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!
Chandler: And I am not blah, I am a hoot!
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are watching a movie.]
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
Ross: Wow! I didnt know that there was a Pottery Barn up here.
Rachel: I know, I know. I went a little crazy.
Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators?
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Another amazing find! Wow! Oh I bet this has a great story too!
Janine: Well yknow, hes blah, shes justshes very loud for such a small person.
Rachel: Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times.
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
(They walk by a Pottery Barn window display.)
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Janine: Well I did. I really did. And you guys, Ive got to say, Im sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something.
Phoebe: Okay then I dont have a choice! I have to buy that lamp!
Joey: All right, uh, weve got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you cant treat them that way.
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
[Scene: Las Vegas, we have the typical glamour shots of Vegas, the Strip, slot machines, a couple other gaming tables all set to the tune of you guessed it, Money. Anyhoo, we finally get through that and watch Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe enter Caesar's Palace carrying their luggage.]