words in movies
Chandler: Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? (Sits up) Who said that?
Phoebe: Yeah, hes really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.
Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what theyll say this year? "God, you"
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
Chandler: Its a dog.
Monica: Its a dead dog. Thats Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.
Monica: You got a present for my parents. Thats so sweet.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them.
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Parker: Why dont all of you tell me a little about your self?
Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous thanOh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
Parker: Maaaassapequa, sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is it steep in Native American history? {Transcribers Note: Interestingly Alec Baldwin was born in Massapequa.}
Ross: Well, there is an Arbys in the shape of a tee-pee.
Ross: So uh, he seems like a nice guy.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah I like him a lot.
Rachel: This is such a great party! 35 years. Very impressive, do you guys have any pearls of wisdom?
Mr. Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? (Looking a toothpick)
Ross: Thats a good question, dad. Thats a good question
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Rachel: Yeah, if youre going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.
Uncle Dan: Heres a little something to get you started. (Hands them a check)
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Chandler: Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man.
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Phoebe: So, he a little enthusiastic, whats wrong with that?
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Rachel: On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang Isnt She Lovely as I walked down the aisle.
Ross: Would you excuse us for a second? (Pulls Rachel off to the side) Umm . what are you doing?
Ross: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Parker: And Im with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to mans plate dispensing problems.
Rachel: Well, I dont know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel.
Rachel: Oh yeah. Thats a great story.
Rachel: And the ring, was the size of my fist (makes a fist)!
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Phoebe: Hes just such a great guy Im so excited about him.
Joey: Oh hey, you should be excited about him. Theres nothing wrong with him hes a good guy.
Phoebe: Youre right. Youre right, hes just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! Im a sunny, positive person.
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Parker: My God what a fantastically well lit hallway!
Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium?
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Phoebe: Lets try something else, lets play a game.
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Parker: Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam!
Phoebe: You dont have to put a good spin on everything.
Parker: Im sorry thats who I am. Im a positive person.
Phoebe: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid!
(Theres a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.)
Ross: But having a dove place the ring on your finger wouldve been no problem?
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Ross: Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldnt get messed up?
Ross: Yknow I dont understand why they didnt cry. It was a beautiful speech.
Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really wouldve wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Mike: Me too. (He leaves. A few moments later, he enters again.) You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
Ross: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?
Charlie: A guy who won two.
Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Rosss finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emilys hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?!
Bitter lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh?
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Joey: It's a science.
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
Ross: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology.
Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?
(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
(Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)
Rachel: (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really?
Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)
Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!
Ross: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Monica: Anyway erm, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?
Monica: Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
Chandler: I missed most of the party (pause) Charlie's a girl, right?
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Monica: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?
Rachel: (after a pause) Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive!
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Look what I just got. (she shows them a pair of slippers)
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!
Phoebe: I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.
Chandler: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Monica: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
Monica: (a bit surprised) Yes, he is. Me.
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
ROSS: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sex?
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Rachel: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.
Joey: It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life".
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Joey/Drake: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
Joey: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if shes gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldnt find a better guy. So
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
Ross: (after a short hesitation) Fine.
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Ross: Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans!
Chandler: I have a weird feeling about this place. (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
(a nurse walks in)
MONICA: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.� Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult.� Tell him that what little time we have is precious.
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Phoebe: (In a strange heavy accent) Hello "ja", it's time for your massage, ja! Put your face in the hole.
Janice: Please... go! (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand!
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Phoebe: (Thinks for a few moments) Uhm... Stockholm.
Phoebe: It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Phoebe: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
Chandler: (Slightly panicky) Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?
Janice: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
Monica: Im fine. (She goes into one of those half sneezing, half-coughing fits that you get with a bad cold or flu.)
Chandler: (stares at her intently, then yells) It was a "Wendy's!! "
Janice: What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office?
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Rachel: Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.
Rachel: For like a half an hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Joey: (pretending to be an announcer) And the winner is Joey Tribbiani! (He then gets excited and goes over to the counter to practice his acceptance speech using a bottle of maple syrup as the award.) Oh Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didnt prepare a speech. But umm, Id like to thank (Rachel enters quietly) my parents, whove always been there for me. Id also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel
Ross: (shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?