words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card.
Carol: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Phoebe: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.
Phoebe: Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise.
Monica: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
[Scene: Ben's audition, Carol, Ross, and Ben along with about 10 more families are in a waiting room as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
Carol: (noticing a kid who has picked up a copy of Variety to read) Hey, that kid looks familiar.
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Rachel: (laughing nervously) Oh, what a fun office.
Kim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back?
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
Phoebe: Oh wait, I change my mind! (She slams the door on them.) Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas! (Holds up a cocktail napkin.)
Monica: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Phoebe: So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host.
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Monica: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's (sadly) "Audition didn't go so well. (Happily) Yeah it did?"
Ross: (Pause) Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition!
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Monica: You got a callback too didn't you?
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Ross: Seriously that's a lot of cups.
Chandler: Y'know I rued the day once didn't get a whole lot else done.
Joey: You just give him a spoon baby!
Rachel: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.
Joey: Hmmm, soup! (Tries again.) Hmm soup! (Tries again, with a little caveman thrown in.) Hmm, soup!
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready. (Some dude puts down a couple bowls of soup in front of them.)
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
(Raymond and Joey both eat a spoonful and Joey turns to Raymond and says )
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
(Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
(All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
Ross: (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster!
Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.
Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
Joey: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? (pause). Yeah!
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
Rachel: (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it!
(They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.)
Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.
Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name.
Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
Ross: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]
Chandler: I don't have a *job*!
Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
Joey: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
[Scene: Mike and Phoebe in Phoebe's place, Phoebe is doing a crossword puzzle]
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Mike: OK, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Phoebe: Well not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for, you know. Kinda like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.
Rachel: No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything. And I-I think you're a really good guy and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I'm jealous. "Oh Gavin, please, please look at my ass". (Gavin starts looking) Stop looking at my ass! I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate, ok? This is a work environment, she's your subordinate.
[Scene: Rachels bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]
Rachel: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
Rachel: That is totally different for two reasons. One - I didn't know that you knew that. And two, I wasn't some creep staring at his ass, we had a deap meaningful relationship.
Rachel: It was ... (can't remember) oh my god. He didn't have a last name. It was just "Tag". You know, like Cher, or, you know, Moses.
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Molly: You mean, when you were a baby.
Rachel: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Ross: What are you, a child?
Mike: Better think of a new name for him.
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
[Scene: A Janitorial Closet, Monica and Chandler are emerging slowly.]
Phoebe: I don't know, I kinda like Bob for a girl.
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
Mike: Maybe it wasn't Bob, maybe it was a mouse.
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference? Because I could get a job any day now.
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
Ross: Wh - No. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny".
Chandler: Yes, as a matter of fact he did, so I can't let you go.
Parker: Why dont all of you tell me a little about your self?
Gavin: Thank god you finally said that, I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. (Rachel throws away that paper) Man, I really bug you, don't I?
Rachel: Um, excuse me Gavin, I have a question I need to ask you.
Monica: Maybe he's bothering you so much because he likes you. It's like in first grade when Skippy Langwild always pushed me on the playground because he secretly had a crush on me?
(A man walks by)
Monica: Oh, you're welcome for the party. I'm glad you're having a good time.
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look at a mirror?
Monica: So this is what a stroke feels like.
Molly: (with Emma in a basinet) She's out, I'm gonna take her home.
Rachel: Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
Chandler: (In a helium voice, holding a balloon) I'm sorry, I got a little occupied.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Joey: So you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. It takes a lot of hard work.
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Ross: Molly, ah, do you mind giving us just a minute?
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
(knock on door, Ross opens, it's a woman)
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
Phoebe: I'll find Bob, I'll get him. Bob? (starts looking) Bob! Robert! (looks at cabinet under sink) Oh wait, I think I hear him. Oh - Oh my god! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!
Mike: Yeah - not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a "love the one you're with" kind of animals.
Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.
Rachel: Aww. Well, ok, well that's very nice. And you wrote a card (opens the card). "From Gavin"
Rachel: Oh, you bought me a present! Why?
Rachel: (opens the present, it's a green scarf) Awww, awww, it's beautiful.
Gavin: Yes, I feel that you are a little annoying.
Chandler: Oh, well someone left this (shows a green jacket). This is yours?
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me.And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Phoebe: I'm a woman!
Rachel: You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line...is a scarf!
(Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?