words in movies
Rachel: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
Joey: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. (He turns back to the woman.) Okay, here goes. (Thinks.) How (Holds up his hand like an Indian) you (Points at her) a-doin'? (Does a little twisting motion with both hands and ends up pointing at her, he then winks. She smiles and waves again.) (To Monica) It worked! She's waving me over. (Towards the woman.) Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor
Joey: Tell me about it, huh? (Realizes that she can see Monica.) Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! (He pantomimes that out.) Ewwuck! (He pushes Monica away and makes a disgusted face.)
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
Phoebe: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.
Monica: Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!
Rachel: I can't believe it! I got a second interview!
Joey: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it?
Rachel: What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler makes a noise) No?
Monica: A kiss? What are you talking about?
Joey: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. (She hugs him and Joey looks out the window.) She's back! Hot girl's back!
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
[Scene: Ross's building, Joey is knocking on a door again. It's again answered by Ross.]
Ross: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. (Joey just stares at him) I'm Ross.
(Joey makes a frustrated face and noise and walks away. He knocks on the next door and it's answered by an old man.)
Joey: (Looking around) Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Joey: Later! (He runs away down the hall and hides behind a corner to a whole other corridor.) Oh man! (Walks down the hallway in desperation.) Hot girl! Hot girl!!
Monica: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Monica: Okay. (She gets up and walks over to Chandler.) Chandler? Can I see you for a second?
Monica: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
(A man walks up.)
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Ross: Jen, I know this may sound a little (makes some kind of crazy noise) But uh, would you maybe wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime, or
Jen: Oh! My number is on there. (Hands him a business card.) Give me a call.
Ross: I will give you a call.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! (Sees their state of undress) What 'cha been doin'? (Has a silly grin.)
Jen: Sure, I'll just get my coat. (There's a knock on the door.) Could you get that?
Joey: Dahhhhh!! (Ross has a puzzled look on his face.) No! Noooo!! (Storms off.)
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
Mr. Zelner: Y'know what? I may regret this but uh, I'm going to give you a shot.
Rachel: Really? Oh thank you! Oh Oh, would it be completely inappropriate to give you a hug?
Rachel: Okay, well then how about a handshake? (She goes to shake his hand but misses and touches his groin.) Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch thatI mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you soHey! I'll see you Monday! (Exits.)
[Scene: A restaurant, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Gary are on a double date. Chandler is yawning.]
Monica: Phoebe, you have a, a twig in your hair.
Phoebe: Ohh, (laughs) umm, we kinda took a little detour on the way over here.
Gary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so
Monica: The park huh? A public place.
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
Monica: Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time?
Chandler: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting. (Kisses her.)
Monica: That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.
Monica: Okay, I freaked out a little.
Chandler: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! (Does a dance of joy.) (Monica glares at him.) And now we're back.
[Scene: Looking through Ross's window, he's doing more pantomimes. The first one is he's walking a dog that has stopped, then suddenly tugs him forward.]
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me.And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.
Monica: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...
Phoebe: I'm a woman!
Rachel: You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line...is a scarf!
(Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Salon girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Ross: No no, about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar.
Rachel: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick
Rachel: Oh! Right! Yeah! Hold on, I'll be just clean up in here a little bit! Hello Gavin
Rachel: Oh he's dusting me with a fossil brush. He thought it would be funny.
Gavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you?
Rachel: It's just a cold
Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay Mermen.
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Gavin: It's OK. I know it's probably not my place but can I give you a piece of advice?
Phoebe: But you would have so much fun and you have a really nice voice.
Phoebe: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there?
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Mike: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
Mike: Also a good gift? Underwear.
Michelle: It�s so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it�s like you lose a boyfriend,you get a boyfriend.
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
Rachel: Wow. She does that a lot!
Michelle: Ross, you didn�t tell me you were a doctor!
Michelle: Actually about an hour and a half.
Ross: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Oh God, I can�t believe you�re making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time!
Phoebe: Oh, its like huge weight has been lifted! Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, Im just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoriaOh.
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)
Chandler: �Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.� So you just touch yourself for anything?
Rachel: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while?
Phoebe: Oh! What's the matter? Are you scared? You're afraid I'm a better singer? You're afraid I'm gonna beat you at singing?
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Monica: Hi! I'm Monica and I'm gonna be singing "Delta Dawn""Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ..."
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Rachel: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
Monica: You want a job? Turn off "Oprah," and send out a resume!
Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
Chandler: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Ross: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Ross: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Monica: Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.
Chandler: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.
Monica: I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...
Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
(Steve makes a face as if his mouth is too dry.)
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
Rachel: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.
Rachel: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Rachel: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
Rachel: What, what, wait a minute! You haven�t even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you known her, likean hour?
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
(She holds up a black t-shirt with "FBI - Female Body Inspector" on the front.)
Ross: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Ross: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Chandler: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.