words in movies
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.]
Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it!
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Monica: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Ross: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you?
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Mike: (thinks a moment) Orchids?
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family Honor 2: Thissa Time Itsa Personal."
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Rachel: (not amused by his pun but forcing a smile anyway) Oh my...
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
Mike: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?
Monica: (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself from smiling) Uh! What a pickle.
Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
Ross: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why are you?
Ross: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside)
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
[Scene: Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.]
Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Monica: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss)
(A woman with a steel drum and a guy with a xylophone start playing an instrumental version of "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley. A bridesmaid and a groomsman walk down the isle. Next are Rachel and Ross, who carries Chappy in his arms.)
Monica: Groomsman, groomsman, why are you just standing there, where is your bridesmaid? (into microphone) We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! (realizes) Oh, that's me.
(She takes off the coat she was wearing over her wedding dress, which is violet and has a darker shade petticoat underneath which shows at one side where the dress is lifted up to about the height of her hip and connected to the petticoat. She's wearing a veil over her curly hair and a low cut top with straps only just hanging over her shoulders.)
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
(Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
Ross: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
Eric: Oh umm, Im the solar system. (Hes wearing a black sweater with the planets glued on around the sun.) Yeah, my students helped me make itI teach the second grade.
Ross: Yeah, itll be like a funny Thanksgiving story!
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperds Pie!
Rachel: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
Ross: (worried) Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Monica: You! Its not like its a big deal! You-you dont still do it or anything!
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Ross: Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it cant? Okay.
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
[Ross makes a sorry face.]
[The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?
Rachel: I just- I dont think us getting back together is a good idea.
Phoebe: So, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isnt it?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Ross: (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, cant blame a guy for trying!
Ross: (gets up) All right. Y'know what? We dont have to go downstairs! We can bring Vegas up to us! (He grabs a deck of cards and pulls up a chair.) All right, come on, come on, we'll play some blackjack. Here we go. (Deals the cards.) 13.
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachels old room, a smile on her face.]
Rachel: Oh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! Ya gotta take a bite with all the layers!
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
[Everyone takes a bite of their trifle.]
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like hes going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
Phoebe: I dunno, lets see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
Rachel: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
Ross: Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
Monica: Ross hasnt worked at the museum for a year!
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
Rachel: Thats a good story, Grandpa.
Monica: Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. Its about being with the people that you love.
[We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!]
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
Ross: Youre gonna be a party person! Those guys rock the most!
(Gunther brings Janine a coffee)
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Ross: It was a dry day.
Joey: Did she just ask me out on a date?
Rachel: Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, Im sorry, but I dont think that was a romantic thing.
Rachel: Well, thats a lot better than Ross trying to kiss me in High School, and saying that he did it because he needed chapstick.
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Joey: OK, listen Ive been on sets before, so let me give you a little advice, alright? Its a show, but were just dancing, OK? Its no big deal. The important thing to remember stay cool.
Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why dont you take a walk? This doesnt concern you.
Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
Phoebe: Oh, thats it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea!
Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
(They move towards a platform, dancing really strangely as they go)
Janine: Hey! Youre a good dancer!
Chandler: Those are book ends! That's a great gift!
Joey: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) Ill talk to them!
Ross: Hey, I know whatll get us up on a platform!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
(They move into a space, and Ross points to his eyes and then to hers)
Joey: Uh, take a look at the guys pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but dont you think he went a little overboard?
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Phoebe: Yknow, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Monica: Yes! (They run over to a platform)
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Joey: Uh, yeah, okay. Except I sorta felt like I needed a couple of seconds to get ready.
Ross: I dont know, I mean you were a lot bigger, I mean, stronger back then.
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Monica: Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. (To Ross) Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me!
Ross: Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound)
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Monica: Its gotta be one of a kind. Yknow like umm, yknow uh, whats that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?
Monica: Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff. She thinks her furniture should have a history, a story behind it.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)
Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!
Janine: I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant.
Chandler: Look at us, were a couple of couples!
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, yknow? (He mimics a robot)
Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Rachel: So, you had a good day huh? Big commission; picked up a daddy.
Joey: (outraged) A MONTH??
Janine: I cant handle two nights in a row with them.
Joey: Just casually slip it in, yknow lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, Im a lonerNo! An outlaw! Tell her she doesnt want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Janine: No! Of course we can still hang out with them. Just yknow, not two nights in a row. Okay?
Joey: Uh, theyre like my best friends. Are you saying we cant hang out with them? Cause that would kinda be a problem.
Phoebe: Umm, a flea market?
Rachel: Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was yknow, it was like a dollar.
Phoebe: 500 bucks at a flea market?!
Phoebe: Yes, yes I do. God, oh its just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like yknow where it was from or
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!