words in movies
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
Monica: Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Monica: (singing) "I'm a little bit country"...
Ross: (singing) "...and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll"!
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!
Ross: Thanks to a little something called "Helvetica Bold 24 point"!
Chandler: All right, I'd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Rachel: Pheebs, I... there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Joey: A rock, a dog, the earth.
Gene: You put this on a sandwich.
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: You put this on a hamburger!
Donny: Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...
Donny: Uh, Gene, you're gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, don't go away.
Gene: Hey! I got a kid starting college. I've to get surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!
Joey: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? (pause). Yeah!
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Roy, the male stripper: (coughs) Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Roy: You were talking about me before! Look, I don't need this! I'm outta here! Where's my hat? (goes to get it) Look, I've been in this business for a long time!
Roy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Roy: (making a crying face) Oh, you're mean!
Joey: (To Henrietta) My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes! (makes a thumbs up sign)
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
Chandler: ADRIENNE TURNER!! (A girl behind them turns around)
Present Chandler's voice: Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.
Monica: I can't believe we are at a real college party! (Rachel laughs excitedly) I have to pee so bad!
Monica: Hey, you've got a boyfriend!
Monica: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
(Cut to Chandler. He's walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
Chandler: Look (hands him a drink) it was a lo-o-ong time ago.
Chandler: (smiling a little nervously) Hmm mmmhm..
Ross: (thinks about it for a few seconds) What did you do to my mom?
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Pizza guy: SOMEBODY ORDER A PIZZA?
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
Chandler: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
Rachel: (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
Chandler: I'm in college and I'm in a band.
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
Roy: What's the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?
Roy: I don't know... I can make my pecs dance... I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks... I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
Roy: You know, actually that's not a bad idea. I can do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
Phoebe: (after a pause) Finish it!
Gene: A match, a candle...
Gene: A torch, a bonfire... (Joey seems lost) uhm, your pee...
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
Gene: "I'd like to go for a walk", uhm "scratch my belly".
Joey: Oh, oh, oh... What a dog says.
Chandler: Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Ross: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
Rachel: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
Monica: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?
[Scene: A Department Store, Joey is selling men's cologne.]
Ross: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.
Monica: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.
Joey: (A guy walks by) Bijan for men? (Another guy walks by) Bijan for men? (Another guy walks by) Bijan for men? (An attractive woman walks by.) Hey Annabelle.
Joey: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? (To the Hombre Man) Hey, how ya doin'?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Ross: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Rachel: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all (Ross is laughing), what?
Ross: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.
CHANDLER: I don't know, Richard's really nice and everything, uh, it's just that we don't know him really well, ya know, and plus he's, ya know, old [Monica gives him a glare] -er than some people, but, uh, younger than some buildings.
Monica: (on the phone) Hi, who's this? (Listens) Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. (Listens) Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. (Listens) Joanne, it's not as simple as all that, ok? (Listens) No, I don't care what Steve thinks. (Listens) Hi, Steve.
(There's a knock on the door which is answered by Phoebe.)
Carol: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it. (Holding out a bottle.)
Joey: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. (Chandler pours some juice in a glass.) You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
Chandler: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
Rachel: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. (Puts her hand in the pocket) Here are your keys, hon. (She takes the keys out, sets them on the counter, and notices she also grabbed a receipt.)
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Hombre Man: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
(They walk off into the sunset, at least a picture of one.)
Rachel: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?
Julie: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
Rachel: Bye. (After Julie exits.) What a manipulative bitch.
Ross: (with a mouthful) That's not bad.
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "whoa."
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
PHOEBE: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.
RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.
RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.
Rachel: Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a bench and falls down.)
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while?
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.
Ross: Ooh, somebody's getting a little fussy.
CHANDLER: In a bad way?
RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!
MONICA: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.
RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.
RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat.
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.
JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
PHOEBE: You have a third nipple?
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
ROSS: Ooh, I, I'm so sick of missing stuff. Ya know, I want him for more than, than a day, I want him for a whole weekend. No listen , I mean, I feel like-
ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her]
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.
Joey: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandlers boss opens the door.]
DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.
JULIE: That saves us a conversation.
JULIE: Well, that could take a while.
CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel gives her a look from hell] That's fine.
JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . .
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet.]
JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?
RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked.
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob."
JOEY: Do we need a cake?